


a confidante, an angel or just a fool in the end

by TheRurrJurr



Series: one step up and two steps back [7]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 07:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18331667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRurrJurr/pseuds/TheRurrJurr
Summary: "But, like...did I ruin your life?"





	a confidante, an angel or just a fool in the end

**Seoul, South Korea**

**April 21, 2019**

She had known that going back to Korea would be somewhat painful. She had also known that it was important, on some level, to move forward.

She just didn't know how awkward it was going to end up.

Everyone's finishing up dinner, out for a celebratory night at the end of the shows. She's seated next to Kaetlyn, reminiscing about something that happen at "Stars On Ice" last year (she'd pay so much money to go back to that time) and actually thoroughly enjoying herself. 

Jackie and Scott are seated at the other end of the table, chatting with a few if the ensemble skaters, and she's clearly more than a couple drinks in. Having her there, it turned out, had been inconsequential. They were never going to be friendly like she and Kaitlyn were and that was fine.

The dinner's wrapping up, Kaetlyn leans across the table to chat with someone on the other side and Tessa takes the opportunity to excuse herself. She stands up and heads to the bathroom, ignoring Scott watching her. They had reached a weird stasis for the moment - cordial, professional, friendly but not friends. It was almost worse than being nothing. He had obviously been uncomfortable with both her and Jackie being there, unsure of how to split his time between the two of them. And based on the daggers Jackie had sent her way, she was still not entirely secure in her relationship.

She doesn't even know why he brought her here. It's not like this was a big, long trip. It's a weekend of skating. Is she that needy and clingy? 

(given how she had barely let Scott out of her sight, and the rumors of her social media activity, Tessa is pretty sure that the answer to that is a resounding "yes")

Just get to the end of the year, she tells herself in the worst moments. It's fine. Just a few more months. Then she can do whatever and he can do whatever and they can be whatever. It'll be fine. It's fine.

A few minutes later Tessa finishes washing her hands, then takes a good look in the mirror. She looks good, given the year it's been so far. But a little tired, maybe. Eyeliner. She definitely needs eyeliner.

She's reaching into her purse when someone butts chest-first into the bathroom door and Tessa snaps her head around. "Oh, shit." Jackie stumbles into the bathroom and leans against the wall. Her eyes are unfocused and she rubs at her temples.

Oh, shit indeed. 

"Fuck, oh my God, I fucking hate Korea," Jackie groans. "I just wanna go fucking home."

Tessa gives her a polite smile but says nothing. If she and Scott had reached something, she and Jackie were...nothing. Nor did she see the point in being anything.

"Fuck, I have to pee," Jackie groans and runs into the nearest stall, slamming the door behind her. From the stall, Jackie lets out an ecstatic moan. "Sorry, I really have to fucking pee," she says and cracks up. "Like, TMI but fuck, that feels good to pee."

Tessa grimaces and grabs her bag off the sink, making her way to the door. Jackie must have heard the clacking of her heels because she's suddenly half-whining, half-laughing. "Wait, no, Tessa!" 

She turns back. "What?"

"Wait, hang on, I'll walk back with you."

Tessa would normally roll her eyes at that and leave Jackie in here by herself, but she's pretty sure that Jackie's so drunk she can barely stand upright. And not wanting to be partially responsible in case she falls and cracks her head open, she surrenders and leans back against the sink, waiting for her ex's/skating partner's sloshed girlfriend to put herself somewhat back together. 

This was not how a nice group dinner was supposed to go.

(but was any of this how it was supposed to go?)

Eventually Jackie comes barreling out of the stall and braces herself against the sink next to Tessa. "My stomach hurts," she groans. "I had way too much soju." 

Tessa tilts her head. "That'll do it to you."

"So much fucking soju and kimchi and so much food, I hate it. Fuck this stupid tour thing." Jackie goes silent and turns towards Tessa. She gets closer and squints up at her, examining Tessa's face as Tessa slowly backs away. "You're so fucking pretty," she eventually whines and grabs Tessa's wrist. "You're so much prettier than me."

Tessa raises her eyebrows and gives her a tight-lipped smile. "Okay." 

"No but, like, you're so much prettier than me." Jackie leans in closer. "And everyone likes you, and you're so nice. It's not fair." She takes her hand off Tessa's wrist and hiccups. "Sorry. I mean, not nice to me, but just, like, so nice and everyone likes you but you don't like me." 

"Well, we haven't really hung out much," Tessa points out and reaches for her lipstick. And even if they had hung out, she's not sure she'd have a reason to like Jackie anyway. There's a reason that girl's been in and out of London over the years and Tessa hasn't made an effort to hang out with her.

"That's because you don't like me."

Tessa glances in her direction. "Is it now?"

"That's what the Internet says. They all fucking hate me and they love you." She hiccups. "Sorry. You're so lucky. Everyone loves you."

Tessa rolls her eyes. "No, they don't." Her patience is already wearing thin. She looks over at the other woman, very drunk and somewhat disoriented. She thinks about walking her back to the table, but she's not sure if Jackie could make it there without causing a scene. She finishes reapplying her lipstick. "You know, there's a lot of bad stuff out there. You shouldn't read it."

Jackie groans and flops against the sink. "I can't fucking stop, though. It's like I'm addicted. I mean, I have to. Like, everyone is so mean and I want to read it because they all love you and they, like, really hate me and I'm just like, fuck." She hiccups. "Sorry." She pushes her hair out of her eyes. "Fuck, like...do you know what it's like to compete against you and have everyone know about it?" Jackie rolls her eyes and stands up. "I fucking hate it, God."

"So then leave." 

Jackie's eyes widen. "What?"

Tessa shrugs and finally makes eye contact. "Leave. No one's holding you here against your will."

Jackie stammers. "I mean, I can't just - he's my boyfriend and he won't leave so - "

"So what?" Tessa turns to face her. "You're not married. You've been drinking the whole time we've been here so I doubt you're having a kid. You don't work together. What's stopping you?" She drops her lipstick into her bag. "You're obviously uncomfortable with it. I don't blame you. Attention is scary. But if it bothers you that much, leave."

Jackie eyes her for a moment, then sloppily laughs. "You just want him back, don't you?"

Tessa rolls her eyes. "Not like this, I don't."

"Yes, you do," Jackie slurs. "You're jealous."

Tessa inhales - one, two, three - and slowly exhales. "I wouldn't take him back like this anyway."

Jackie laughs and leans over the sink. "Oh my God, you're so jealous. You're jealous of me. Jealous," she slurs, pointing her finger into Tessa's chest. "You're prettier than me and nicer than me and everyone loves you more than me and you're jealous of me, oh my God."

Tessa shrugs. "I'm not. Why should I be? He picked you. You won." She slides away from Jackie. "You're drunk so let's just drop this."

Jackie forces out a laugh. "Okay, he picked me, but you're, like sooooooo much prettier." She burps. "Sorry." She gets in Tessa's face again and Tessa jumps back at her breath. "But like, why didn't he pick you? You're so much prettier than me."

Tessa's heart drops. (she wishes she knew, too) "Well, he must think you're prettier since he picked you, right? Like I said, you won whatever fucked-up thing this is."

Jackie snorts and cracks up. "Yeah right, I fucking won. He's such a prize." She laughs. "He's drunk, like, every night. Whiskey dick can't even keep it up." She hiccups. "He's so miserable all the time," Jackie whines. "Like, allllllllll the time. He just, like, pouts and doesn't do anything and he's only happy when he's not with me. That fucking sucks because, like, I know it. And I know it's because of you." She furrows her brow. "Wait, no, not like, because of you, but because you're, like, not there." Her head drops down for a minute, then snaps it back up. "But he's soooooo happy when you're there. You should always be there, he's so happy when you are or when he's talking to you. And then he's so sad when he comes back to me. You should really always be there."

Tessa takes a deep breath. "Well, I can't be. We're all trying to move on."

Jackie leans back down. "Fuck, my stomach hurts." She frowns. "Wait, move on from what?"

Tessa freezes. "Don't worry about it."

"No, wait, move on from what?" Jackie squints. "Wait, but like, how serious were you guys?"

Tessa shakes her head. "I'm sure he'd tell you if you asked."

Jackie cracks up. "He doesn't tell me anything. Like, nothing. NOTHING." She leans over and tries to make eye contact. "Come on. How serious was it?"

Tessa considers it for a moment. Jackie's drunk. There's no way she'll remember this. And it might be nice to vent to someone who's not her therapist. And maybe Jackie deserves to have some idea of what she's waded into. "Not as serious as I thought, I guess."

Jackie narrows her eyes, concentrating. "But what does that mean? Like, were you, like, just hooking up or like..."

Tessa takes a deep breath. Fuck it. "No, we were living together."

Jackie steps back, mouth open, then her jaw drops open. "What...FUCK. Are you serious?"

Tessa nods. "Yeah." She crosses her arms. "He hasn't told you any of this?"

"What...NO. Fuck. No. Nothing. No." Jackie slams her hands onto the side of her head, yanking at her hair. "Jesus...shit. Fuck. Dammit. No, I didn't know. Fuck." She turns around, facing away from Tessa. "Fuck, are you serious?"

Tessa bites her lip as Jackie turns back around. "Yeah."

Jackie stares at her, mouth open. "Oh my God. Fuck. And he just...he just left?"

Tessa nods. "Technically I kicked him out, but yes."

Jackie screeches. "Oh my God. I had no fucking idea, oh my God." She rubs her forehead. "Fuck. I'm so sorry. Shit. Dammit. Oh my God, no wonder you hate me. Fuck."

Tessa cocks an eyebrow and chuckles. "Wow, you really had no idea what you were getting into, did you?"

Jackie furiously shakes her head. "No, he said it was complicated and he was technically single when I asked and he hasn't said shit about it since. Oh my God, what an asshole. Fuck. Who does that??"

Tessa winces. "He didn't lie."

"Okay but still...shit. Oh my God, I'm so sorry." Jackie stares at her in disbelief. "Oh my God. So, wait. When did you guys start, like, how long did it go for?"

Tessa looks at the ground. Drunk or not, this is not the conversation she ever wanted to have. "About two and a half years. Unofficially."

Jackie stares at her silently, mouth open, before letting out a shriek. "Oh my GOD. Two and a half years?? FUCK." She reaches up and grabs Tessa by the shoulders. "Tessa. Oh my God. He hasn't told me anything about this. Shit. I feel like an asshole." She lets go. "Two and a half years? Fuck, girl, and he didn't put a ring on it?"

Tessa shifts uncomfortably on her feet. "I wanted him to," she responds quietly.

Jackie's jaw drops open further. "Fuck. Oh my God. Sorry, I'm just...he hasn't mentioned shit about this. Holy shit."

Tessa grabs her bag. "They're probably wondering where we are, we should get going."

"No, wait." Jackie steps in front of her. "I had no idea. Fuck, he hasn't told me anything about this. Is this all true?"

Tessa waits a second, then nods. "Yeah."

"So, wait, then, like, what happened?"

Tessa shrugs. "I don't think it really matters. Let's go."

"No, wait, please, seriously. It's gonna fucking torture me if I don't know."  

Tessa closes her eyes. This is not the way she expected to relive this. "I asked over the summer that we wait before making any big decisions about our personal life and he seemed to agree. At some point, he hasn't really told me when, you entered the picture. Then he started acting weird on the tour. Then it got really bad in Nashville. Then he told me after we got home about it happening and that you were coming to the Walk of Fame. And that was that." Tessa shrugs as Jackie stares at her in disbelief. "Let's go."

"No, wait - Tessa, wait." Jackie holds up her hand. "Fuck, everything's spinning, hang on." She sits down on the floor and motions for Tessa to join her. Everything else about tonight is disgusting, so Tessa joins her, cross-legged, leaning up against the bathroom wall.

Jackie runs her hand down her face. "So...wait. Were you guys, like, still hooking up or whatever? Like, on the tour?"

Tessa nods. "Yeah. We were...something, I guess."

Jackie falls forward. "I didn't - shit. Oh my God." She stares at the ground in shock. "No one told me any of this, oh my God. I just wanted to have some fun and brag about banging a gold medalist. It just got, like, so out of control. Fuck." She tents her hands in front of her mouth. "God, this explains so much about him."

"Yeah, well, here we are." Tessa studies the tile pattern next to her. "So...what about your other boyfriend and your husband? What happened with them?"

Jackie throws her hands to her sides. "I don't fucking know. I got married too young and didn't know how to break up with him so I just started sleeping with someone else and then the stuff with Scott happened and I just, like...I don't know, it just happened." She scoffs. "God, I sound like such a fucking slut, right?" She leans her head against the wall. "I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to have a good time and now it's all so fucked, oh my God."

Tessa bites the inside of her lip. "So if you didn't want to hurt anyone why did you keep going after him?"

Jackie shakes her head. "I don't know. I like the chase, I guess. It just kind of happened."

Tessa stares ahead. "These things usually don't just magically happen, you know."

"Fuck, I know. I know, this is so bad. Fuck. I definitely need therapy. Like, he really, really, really needs it but I definitely need it too, fuck. God, this is a disaster." Jackie puts her head in her hands. "Fuck. No wonder everyone hates me. I just want to have fun and post pretty pictures on my Instagram, I didn't know any of this was going to happen. Or had happened. I'm such a fucking bitch." 

Tessa gives her a lopsided smile. "You know, if I stopped posting because I was afraid of getting bad comments, I'd never post anything."

Jackie shrugs. "Yeah, but more people love you than hate you. Everyone fucking hates me. Like, I don't blame them, I'd hate me too. Shit." 

Tessa exhales. "Scott doesn't hate you."

Jackie groans. "Yes, he does. He's just waiting to figure that out." Her head falls onto her shoulder. "Once you say the word, he's going to run back so fast. Like, I think that's what bothers me? I don't fucking know."

Tessa purses her lips. "Well, that's not happening anytime soon, don't worry."

Jackie scoots closer to her. "But you're still in love with him."

Tessa freezes, then her shoulders fall. "I don't know."

"Yeah, you are." Jackie smiles. "But like, I get it. He's a good boyfriend. He's fat now and drunk and he's in love with you, but he's a good boyfriend. Like, mostly. I guess."

Tessa nods. "He can be."

"Like, I'm not mad at you for it. I'm mad at him. He's such a fucking idiot." She pauses. "Hey, do you think I would have won the Olympics with him? Like, he's really good and you're really good and I'm only okay. But you guys are, like, soooooo good."

Tessa chuckles and shrugs. "I don't know. I guess we never will."

"Like...I think I would have fucking killed him. He was such a fucking spaz when we were kids. Like, you were the only person he wasn't a spaz around." Jackie rubs her temples. "Everyone knew it. I think I was jealous. I was a bitch back then even." 

"For what it's worth, I think he and I are both glad you quit," Tessa points out. 

"I made him break up with you," Jackie confesses. 

Tessa shrugs. "I mean, ultimately it was his decision - "

"No, I mean, like, when we were kids, I made him break up with you," Jackie explains. "I thought it would be funny but, like, I knew he felt bad about it and his other stupid friend, Adam or whoever, we made him do it anyway. God, I'm such a bitch."

Tessa chuckles. "It was, like, 22 years ago. We were kids. I don't think it ever really counted." 

"No, but you were probably mad about it and he didn't want to do it, and, fuck. And now he did this, fuck. And I did this. Why are we the worst?"

Tessa rolls her neck around. "It really wasn't that big of a deal in the long run."

"No, but, like, that was the first time he was an asshole to you and he's an asshole now and I'm a bitch and...fuck. I just can't believe he did that to you with me," Jackie continues. "Like...fuck. I'm still, like, in fucking shock." Tessa stares at the ground. "But also, wait. Before you guys got together, was there ever a time before then? Like when you were younger or whatever? Because, like, Jordan said something about your surgery and I was like, whaaaaat?"

Tessa's head snaps to her. "What did Jordan tell you?"

Jackie's eyes go wide. "Nothing, no, no, nothing. I'll stop, I'm sorry. This is just...it's fucking blowing my mind." Jackie looks down between her legs. "What kind of asshole would do that? Fuck."

"The kind that you let move in with you after two weeks," Tessa responds, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, I know. He won't fucking leave," Jackie mutters in response. "Like, I don't know what the fuck he does all day when I'm gone. And then he does leave to go home for a couple days and he's fucking miserable when he's back. Like, what the fuck." 

Tessa looks over at her. "If it makes you feel any better, it's probably not about you."

"I know but still...fuck. And we're going to Spain next month and then he wants me to come to Japan and I was thinking about asking him about whether or not he wanted to move to Florida full-time and...ughhhhh." She rubs her eyes. "Shit, I think my contacts are gonna fall out." Jackie groans. "You're so fucking nice. I wanted you to be such a bitch."

Tessa cocks an eyebrow. "Thanks, I guess?"

"No, but seriously, like, I would have beaten the shit out of me at that Walk of Fame thing." She frowns. "I can't believe he fucking did that to you. Like, after all that? Men suck." 

Tessa chuckles. "That they do."

"But like...did I ruin your life?" 

Tessa looks down blankly, then over at Jackie, unsure of how to answer. "I think we're all just trying to figure out what comes next."

Jackie bangs the back of her head against the wall. "Fuck! I totally did. And he did too, fuck him. I'm such a fucking bitch, oh my God. I'm the fucking worst."

Tessa fiddles with her rings. "It wasn't just you. That's giving you too much credit." 

"No, but like...fuck. How are you even, like, skating with him right now?" Jackie rubs her head. "Ow."

"Do you need an Advil?" Tessa offers and reaches into her purse.

Jackie nods. "Yeah, but I mostly need to throw up." She takes the pill from Tessa's hand and downs it. "But like...seriously. How?"

Tessa shrugs. In no universe did she ever think that this was the person she'd be confessing to. "I don't know. We've been able to block out a lot over the last 21 years for the sake of skating." She straightens out her legs. "And even with everything going on, we still love that. I guess we're just trying to navigate it around this new reality." 

Jackie groans. "Oh fuck, I'm the new reality. Shit. Fuck. I'm so sorry."

Tessa folds her hands onto her lap. "It's not all on you. It's not all on him. Some of it's on me." 

"No, fuck, no, that's not true." Jackie sloppily pats Tessa's knee. "Stop doing that. It's not your fault." She removes her hand. "But, like, it's complicated, right? Like, he didn't just say that?"

Tessa nods. "Yes. Very." She looks down. "I'm not actually sure how long it would take to break it all down and figure it out." 

"But you want to?"

Tessa stares ahead. Never in a million years did she think she'd be spilling anything to this woman. She would normally say that stranger things have happened, but they really haven't. "For my own sake, yeah, I guess."

"I hope you get to. That must suck." She pats Tessa's knee again. "I wish you guys could be friends. He's so much happier when you're there."

Tessa bites her lip. "I wish we could be, too."

"But you can't be. Because it's complicated and he's a fucking idiot and I'm a fucking slutty bitch."

Tessa folds her legs back in. "That's not all true."

Jackie shifts and sits up. "Seriously, you are so fucking nice. And so pretty. He's a fucking idiot." She pauses and swallows. "Do you think he'd do that to me?" 

Tessa waits, then shakes her head. "I don't know."

"But he might, right? Like, if he did it before?"

Tessa ponders it. "I can't really say." 

"Fuck. Dammit," Jackie mumbles. "I'm fucked. You're fucked. He's definitely fucked. This whole thing is fucked." She drops her head down. "And it all happened just because I wanted to fuck."

She looks over at Tessa and Tessa looks back before they begin laughing. "That was funny, right?" Jackie says.

Tessa looks up at the ceiling, trying not to give in too much. "That...actually wasn't bad," she admits.

"Right?" Jackie laughs. "Dammit. I wanted to hate you. God, you're so fucking nice." She turns back to Tessa. "I can't believe you're talking to me right now. I'd want to, like, murder me and throw me into the ocean or something. Like, I don't know why you haven't done that yet. Just like...I can't believe it."

Tessa laughs. "Look, we're still not friends." 

Jackie drops her head. "Okay, but will you follow me on Instagram though?"

Tessa quietly scoffs. "No."

Jackie rubs her eyes. "But you don't hate me?" 

Tessa smiles. "I don't think so."

Jackie hiccups. "Sorry." She rolls her head over to look at Tessa. "I'm sorry I ruined your life. I'm such a bitch."

Tessa looks down and plays with her rings. "I think we'll all figure things out eventually. Let's just leave it at that." 

"So fucking nice. I want you to figure it out. You're so fucking nice, I hate it." Jackie sits up abruptly. "Oh, shit. Why won't the room stop spinning?"

Tessa rises to her knees. "Do you need to - " 

Jackie nods furiously and reaches for Tessa's arm. "Yeah."

"Okay then." She lifts Jackie up and sprints into the stall with her, moving away as Jackie empties her stomach. "You okay?"

"Oh God," Jackie mutters. "Will you -" 

"I'll wait right by the sink, okay?" 

Jackie nods. "So fucking nice."

Tessa steps back and leans against the sink. Maybe too nice, she muses. 

A few minutes later she hears Jackie groan again. "You good?" 

Jackie flushes, stands up and leaves the stall, wiping her mouth with toilet paper. "I guess."

"Here." Tessa reaches into her purse and hands her a silver tube of lipstick. "Just for a touchup."

Jackie examines the tube and scoffs. "Of course it's Dior. You're so fucking classy." She puts it on, then hands the tube back to Tessa. "Like, classy in a good way, not in, like, a stuck-up way. Not like how all the girls back in Ilderton talk about you." She looks at herself in the mirror. "I fucking love this color, it's gorgeous."

Tessa briefly recoils. "I just try to ignore that stuff."

Jackie swallows. "Shit." She composes herself. "Sorry, I thought that was round two. I'm good." She looks over at Tessa. "They're just jealous bitches. I mean, they're probably saying that shit about me now." She attempts to primp her hair in the mirror. "I look like fucking shit."

Tessa takes Jackie's elbow as she guides her out of the bathroom. "I think we're going back to the hotel, so it's fine. Come on."

"My feet fucking hurt," Jackie mumbles.

"Come on, almost there." She catches Scott's eye across the restaurant and he looks at both of them with a mixture of confusion and shock.

"The hell?" he asks when they get back to the table.

Tessa shrugs innocently. "Just some girl time."

Scott cocks an eyebrow. "Is she - "

"You guys should grab a car back to the hotel," Tessa says and hands Jackie off to him.

"You wanna split one?" he offers.

Tessa laughs. "I think I'll walk."

Jackie lurches over and throws her arms around Tessa's neck. "Oh my God, thank you so much. I'm so glad we talked."

Tessa freezes and lightly puts her arms around Jackie's shoulders. "It was nice talking to you, too."

"Scottyyyyyy. She is so fucking nice." Jackie reaches out to grab Tessa's arm. "Tessa, like, I can't believe you didn't murder me after I ruined your life." Tessa and Scott look at each other, guilt in his expression and a touch of embarrassment in hers. Jackie turns to Scott and giggles. "And she didn't murder you after what you did. So fucking nice."

The color drains from his face and Tessa nervously looks at the ground. "We're gonna - "

Tessa nods. "I'll catch you guys in the morning."

"Yeah."

"Make sure she gets some water. Maybe a Gatorade if you can find any."

Scott can't quite meet her eyes. "Thanks." He takes Jackie's arm, lifting her out of the seat where she had plopped down, and leads her out of the restaurant.

Tessa grabs her jacket and heads out. She hears Jackie mutter "I'm not tired, shut up" as Scott places her in a cab and Tessa heads back on foot.

Well, that was fucking weird.

***

She doesn't see them until she's waiting for the airport shuttle the next morning. She hadn't heard anything from Scott the night before, other than a quick text saying "Sorry about that. Thanks for being a good sport," which she hadn't responded to. There wasn't much to say.

Two more weeks of solo work. One month-long trip (what the hell she was thinking when she agreed to that, who knows). Some more shows. She can do this.

"Hey."

Tessa turns around and sees Jackie behind her, wearing a huge pair of sunglasses and carrying the biggest coffee Tessa's ever seen. "Good morning."

Jackie grunts. "There's nothing good about this. I wanna fucking die."

Tessa smiles sympathetically. "We all have those nights. Or mornings, in this case."

"I hate flying hung over. I'm gonna end up, like, vomiting all over the bathroom." She fumbles for a cigarette. "Do you mind?" Tessa shakes her head and Jackie lights it. She takes a long drag, then happily sighs as she exhales. "I didn't start this again until he got to Florida. I was so good at not doing it when I was into Crossfit." She looks down at the cigarette. "It's such a shitty habit."

Tessa crosses her arms over herself. "Well, there's a lot of stuff you can quit if you wanted."

"Like this whole fucking clusterfuck?" Jackie takes a drag. Off Tessa's look, she continues. "Look, I know I was, like, blasted and all but, like, I really had no idea about any of that going down." She examines the cigarette. "It's just, like...God, that's so fucked up. I feel like shit."

"Think of how I feel," Tessa mumbles.

Jackie stares at her for a moment as she takes a drag, then exhales. "I don't know. Fuck, like...I'm too old for this shit." Another drag. "I seriously can't believe you haven't killed me."

Tessa breathes in, getting a noseful of secondhand smoke, and shrugs. "Maybe it's okay that he's your problem for now."

"He's such a fucking problem child," Jackie mutters, flicking ash onto the ground. "What a fucking dumbass."

Tessa looks around. "So, I don't know how much you remember but the parts you do, could we just maybe..."

Jackie quickly nods. "Oh yeah, no, totally. He won't know a word. I promise."

Tessa half-smiles. "Thanks."

"I did call him out in front of you though, right?"

Tessa sighs. "Yes, you did."

"Shit. It'll probably just make it weird again. For me, too." Jackie takes a drag. "I probably told you more last night than I've told any of my friends about it. That's kind of fucked, right?"

Tessa smiles tightly and shrugs. "I guess it occasionally feels good to vent."

Behind her sunglasses, Jackie rolls her eyes. "Fuck, you really are nice. Dammit. I can't believe you, like, took care of me last night."

Tessa plants her tongue in her cheek. "Yeah, we're still not friends."

Jackie bites her lip and stubs out her cigarette. "I know." She takes a gulp of coffee. "God, this whole thing is so fucked." She looks over at Tessa. "What should I do?"

Tessa looks over her shoulder as Scott comes out of the hotel. "I mean, if I were you, I'd decide to stay or go. That's entirely your decision." She picks up her carry-on. "And seriously, stop reading the Internet. It's not good for you."

Jackie rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I know."

The shuttle pulls up and Scott walks right on, avoiding both of them. Jackie huffs. "Great, going to be one of those days."

Tessa smiles. "He usually falls right asleep on planes."

"Good." Jackie grabs her bag. "Look...I really am sorry. This whole thing...shit."

Tessa makes her way onto the van. "Let's just all try to keep moving forward, okay? I'm bad enough at dwelling on it by myself."

Jackie follows her. "Yeah. Okay." She takes the seat next to Scott as Tessa keeps moving to the back.

She flops down in an empty seat as the van fills up. They're not friends. They never will be. And when this whole thing goes belly-up, she's not sure who she'll feel sorry for.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo this was not planned initially, but just kind of came to me and I banged it out pretty quickly. Drunk girl bathroom bonding is the best bonding. Title is from a Patti Scialfa song, of course.
> 
> Yell at me on Twitter at @suchplatonic


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